Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize