my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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