Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
