I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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