So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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