Banned from zoo.
Again?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
