he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
