I think I won the penis lottery.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
