i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
