Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
