Im at strip club and am horny
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
