Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
