oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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