Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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