Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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