erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
