I didn't shave. On purpose
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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