U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My vagina is officially offended.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
