you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
