just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I look better un-naked...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
