Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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