There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
