somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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