Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
