Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
