so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
