you would pick up someone in the library
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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