he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
