I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
