When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
