I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
