I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
