I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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