I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
