thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
