How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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