this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
