On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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