I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's shark week go big or go home
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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