remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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