I am puke
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
