i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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