I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
