In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
