dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
