she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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