Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize