No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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