You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize