i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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