my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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