Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
