I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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