I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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