Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
