My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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