i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I AM VODKA MAN
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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