i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
