Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
