really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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