There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
