Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
