too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
