trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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