I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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