My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
What did we do last night that was yellow?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
