i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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