Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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