anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
