This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
