woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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