so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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