Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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