WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize