how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
