Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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