so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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