I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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