So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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