I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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