Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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