are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
