Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Randomize
