I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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