ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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