Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
