and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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