I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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