you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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