I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
