There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
