Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
