She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
