why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
