Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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