I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
