i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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