I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
