we have officially lost it.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
