cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
