just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
