dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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