I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
