Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
