Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
