I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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