it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
