chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
