His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
True college students do jello shots in the library
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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