he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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