I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
