you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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