weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
