So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
